I have a friend who always says, “‘Parent’ is a verb, not a noun.” As I look at provocative photos of 18-year-old Frances Bean Cobain, that definition rings loud in my ears. I wonder… did Courtney Love have a child just to secure her role as rock ‘n’ roll royalty? Did she really want to raise Frances? Do we have children because we want to, or feel pressure to?
I sometimes daydream about how much more fun Christmas would be if I had kids. (Christmas is for kids, after all!) But I realize that I romance more about the title of parent than the actual action. When I start to think about the commitment, money, sacrifice, and responsibility required to raise a child, the fantasy disappears as quickly as the burst of a Christmas light.
For years, I was insecure that I didn’t have the same instinct to have children as my friends. I thought maybe I suffered from some character flaw. People would comment that I should have children because I would make a wonderful parent. But what I have discovered about myself is that I simply never aspired to parent. My pleasure in life is to pursue what I want when I want it… having kids was never part of my life plan. And I wouldn’t want any child to live with my frustration at being bogged down. It might sound harsh, but not all of us are cut out for the job.
We are a generation of women who take care of ourselves and make our own choices. Our choice to have children is no longer based on obligation, class, financial security, marriage, or family pressure. We have children simply because we choose to make the necessary life commitment for love. Every child deserves nothing less.
Always be honest in what you want and need for yourself: Whether it is to have children or not, remember that ultimately you are the CEO of your life!
Tags: alternative rock, Courtney Love, Frances Bean Cobain, Kurt Cobain, parenting, parents, Pop culture