Approach That Man!

Finding the man of your dreams just may involve many cups of coffee.
August 23rd, 2012

I was single until I was 45 – and when I say single, I mean that I was never in a relationship for more than nine months and, needless to say, never cohabitated with anyone or got even close to being engaged. Typically, I would like a guy more than he liked me, or vice versa, and it would play out until one of us had the guts to end it. The good news is that I got to meet a lot of fascinating, boring, kind, mean, selfish, generous boys and men. The bad news was that I felt like a complete loser, and finding a guy felt like trying to solve a complicated physics problem when I knew only basic arithmetic. By the time I met my husband, I had honestly come to terms with the fact that I might never meet a man I wanted to spend my life with.

Several of my 40ish girlfriends are single and, while they love their full, busy lives, all of them are as flummoxed as I was about how to meet a good man. I tell them to gut it out online, as brutal as it is (I met my husband online), and to stop thinking that because they’re female they have to be approached. Approach that man! The worst that can happen is that you’ll be rejected, and if you can’t handle a little rejection by the time you’re 40-plus, well, you’ve got bigger fish to fry than being single. I also tell them that my husband didn’t fit my idea of who I’d end up with, and that and if I hadn’t been willing to open myself up and consider someone different than what I thought I wanted, I’d have missed out on the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

If you don’t want to be single and you’re not on a dating site, get on one! It’s NOT fun, but I know too many happy couples who met online. Go on as many coffee dates as you can, and if you have a bad one (and you’ll have many), shake it off and go on another one. Oh, and don’t be afraid to approach men in public if they look interesting. I’ve had many husbands tell me that they’d have loved for a woman to approach them.



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Our Friends Say
  1. peter grant says:

    Lis -

    Maybe my perspective might help.

    I’m 48 and very happily married for 14 years now. Wouldn’t trade that for the world. I adore my wife.

    A couple of years ago I was pushing my shopping cart through the aisles of Vons when a pretty woman, about my age, made a longer than usual eye contact with me. I’m a friendly sort, so I smiled at her. Later, on another aisle we caught eyes again and she smiled and I smiled. I thought that was it.

    But out of nowhere in the produce section she came up to me and said:
    Have you ever been picked up in a grocery store before?
    Me: Uh…no.
    She: Well you have been now.

    She was obviously very nervous (“I can’t believe I’m doing this!”).

    I showed her my wedding ring and said I was quite happy and very not available.
    But I did say “I’m flattered. You made my day”.

    (What person doesn’t like to know they are still attractive in their forties)

    Later, near the checkout line, she said, “I’m happy I made your day”.
    Not with sarcasm. I believed it.

    If you see a man out there that pushes your buttons at a swap meet, farmer’s market, or grocery store aisle, just go over and approach him. He might be available, or not. But in any case, you will definitely make his day. So don’t hold back. Go for it!

    • Lis Peery says:

      Peter – I love this story! She was incredibly brave and I applaud her. You were also very kind to her, which made it a great experience for both of you. :)


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