I was single until I was 45 – and when I say single, I mean that I was never in a relationship for more than nine months and, needless to say, never cohabitated with anyone or got even close to being engaged. Typically, I would like a guy more than he liked me, or vice versa, and it would play out until one of us had the guts to end it. The good news is that I got to meet a lot of fascinating, boring, kind, mean, selfish, generous boys and men. The bad news was that I felt like a complete loser, and finding a guy felt like trying to solve a complicated physics problem when I knew only basic arithmetic. By the time I met my husband, I had honestly come to terms with the fact that I might never meet a man I wanted to spend my life with.
Several of my 40ish girlfriends are single and, while they love their full, busy lives, all of them are as flummoxed as I was about how to meet a good man. I tell them to gut it out online, as brutal as it is (I met my husband online), and to stop thinking that because they’re female they have to be approached. Approach that man! The worst that can happen is that you’ll be rejected, and if you can’t handle a little rejection by the time you’re 40-plus, well, you’ve got bigger fish to fry than being single. I also tell them that my husband didn’t fit my idea of who I’d end up with, and that and if I hadn’t been willing to open myself up and consider someone different than what I thought I wanted, I’d have missed out on the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
If you don’t want to be single and you’re not on a dating site, get on one! It’s NOT fun, but I know too many happy couples who met online. Go on as many coffee dates as you can, and if you have a bad one (and you’ll have many), shake it off and go on another one. Oh, and don’t be afraid to approach men in public if they look interesting. I’ve had many husbands tell me that they’d have loved for a woman to approach them.
Tags: dating in your 40s, marriage