How About We Date Our Age?

January 4th, 2013

Tootzypop Classics: We’re saying goodbye to 2012 and ushering in 2013 with a celebration of some of the year’s most read posts. This post originally ran on July 18, 2012. We’ll be back with new, original posts on Monday, January 7. Enjoy!

Recently, I deleted my OkCupid account and signed up for the new dating site, How About We. The caliber of men on OkCupid just wasn’t working for me, so I moved on. The men I have met on How About We are, so far, more mature and serious about finding a life partner than what I found on OkC.

How About We is also filled with men in their mid- to late-50s and 60s. I went on six lovely dates with a man 11 years older than me, but I couldn’t get past his age or that he looked much older than my friends. As much as I enjoyed his company, I wasn’t attracted to him physically.

Even though I am 44 years old, I look young for my age. Most of my friends (single or not) are also younger looking than most 40-somethings. Maybe it’s because we live in LA and waited to have partners or families until our 40s? I’m not sure, but I wonder… Is it wrong for me to want someone closer to my age or who looks youthful? My dating age cap is 50 — is that unrealistic at this stage in the game?

When you meet someone at 20 who’s 30, or you’re 30 and they’re 40, they are still young. But in middle age, you notice more physical aging and health decline, and retirement is that much sooner.

The question is, am I ready to be the younger woman of a man who is fast approaching retirement age? Am I being frivolous? Conceited? Superficial? My parents have a 17 year age gap between them and it’s become a major issue as they age, with my father ill and my mother being the main caretaker. Maybe that is what is influencing my need for the fountain of youth in my men.

Sites like How About We focus less on your profile and more on the actual dating by requiring you to propose a date. Try it! http://www.howabout




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Our Friends Say
  1. Date younger. Men age faster so they catch up with us. About 7-10 years will do it. That way we essentially age the same ‘towards the end’ to put it morbidly. Of course you have to deal with being more experienced, etc. Also, I do think it’s best to ‘be friends first.’ Like for a few months, not just a few dates. Attraction is sex. Sex may fade in a marriage, but getting along and harmonizing is for life (if you don’t believe in divorce). I think most women are very strangely picky about all qualities and looks a man has to have. But once you are really friends with a guy all that stuff you were picky about can fade and you really fall in love with the person. And then it really does not matter what they look like, or other picky things you thought you hated. And if not — you have a new buddy! Good luck! Love is out there!

  2. Lis Peery says:

    I think when you “know,” you’ll know. Age and everything else will fall away. My husband is nothing like what I thought I wanted but it turns out he’s absolutely perfect for me. Just go on a million dates with a million men and you’ll find your man!

  3. marc says:

    as someone who is in a relationship with an older woman the age difference can be challenging. but if it’s the right person it’s worth it.

  4. McKenna Rowe says:

    I just found out that a “Cougar” is defined as a woman over 35 who’s dating a guy at least 5 years younger. My husband is 2.5 years younger, so I guess if I round up, I meet the cougar definition. what EV ah!


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