“Love doesn’t just sit there like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.” Ursula K. Le Guin
Type “married sex” into Google and you get a string of hits all aimed at bringing sexy back into your marriage. One article by AskMen.com advises men to “not wear pajamas” and “stop looking at her as your wife.” A Good Housekeeping article suggests using Post-It notes to write down your sexual fantasies, then leaving them under the pillow for your husband to find. There’s even a site called Christian Nymphos with the tagline “Married Sex: Spicy, the way God intended it to be!”
To me, these articles kind of miss the point. They’re aimed at recapturing the sex you had when you first met, the crazy, falling-in-love part of the relationship when everything was new and you floated around on a cloud of hormones. But lets face it, years pass, you put on a few (or more) pounds, you’re exhausted from kids and work, and you just don’t have the energy for the same all-night marathons you had when you were younger.
But that’s okay. Because the best part of married sex is that you’re married. You have history. There’s trust and real love… not I’m-so-in-love-with-you-baby, but the kind of love that sustains you through losses and pain. My husband and I have been through his mother’s death, the birth of our son, and major health problems, and we’ve been there for each other every step of the way.
Lingerie, sex toys, and props are a lot of fun. But the best part of having sex with my husband is that it isn’t just about getting off. It’s about love, our love, and all we’ve done to create it and sustain it.
Forget about “I’m too tired” tonight. Make love with your partner — with the emphasis on love.
Have a great Memorial Day weekend! We’ll be taking a break for the holiday on Monday, May 28, but we’ll see you back here Tuesday morning.
Tags: love, married sex, relationships, sex